During my quiet time this morning, it dawned on me that I might be in need of a mentor. Way back in the day, when I was young and living in Georgia, I prayed for three years for a mentor. It wasn't until right before we moved that I realized I already had one in my boss and friend, Tammy. She taught me about being a woman of God in the real world, especially considering I was fresh out of college when I met her. It was the first time in my spiritual life that I wasn't living in a bubble. College was great, people constantly asking me about my relationship with God, evangelism being a central part of my daily life, and of course, having all the time in the world to pursue my passions. Real life wasn't so generous, even working for a church, and this was before I had kids.
Fast forward 6 years or so. Now I have three kids, and three brand new ministries, new church plant, political campaign, and a mom's group. Managing the laundry, keeping the kids clean and fed, and somehow managing to maintain a relationship with my husband are hard enough, but finding balance in all the other areas of my life is presenting quite the dilemma. So I'm thinking it's time for a mentor, but where would I find one of those. Perhaps there is someone already in my life willing to step into role, or maybe I need someone new, someone who might not be connected to everything else. I don't have the answer, but this morning, I started praying for someone who is spritually more mature and ready to take me on.
Of course, it's not only the new stuff that I feel I need a little help with, it's the baggage as well. I realize I haven't found full closure with the camp thing yet either. Lately, I've been avoiding God, not intentionally, but it's certainly an issue. It's like I want to spend time with him, but something is causing me to look the other way. Even though I know that it was time to move on and can easily see the bigger picture (He certainly made it clear enough), I'm still struggling with the emotion of it all. I'm having a hard time letting go, and I know that there are still some difficult conversations yet to come. Why is it harder to avoid issues sometimes then face them head on? It's easier to bury myself in all things new instead of processing the pain, but without fully walking through the valley, I'll never reach the other side, right? So I've decided to walk down this road. I just don't want to do it alone. Shocking, right?
If you know of anyone up for the job, willing to take on a stubborn, highly independent basket of mush, such as myself, just let me know. In the meantime, I covet your prayers.
I'm Not A Stalker, Just A Fan
1 year ago