Kindergarten Zombie Mom

My little Owen starts school tomorrow.  I've been so caught up in the hustle and bustle of school supplies and doctor's visits that I hadn't thought about the fact that my little boy is going to be in Kindergarten.  As I walked the halls of Mini-ville (AKA the elementary school) yesterday shuffling from classroom to nurse's office to PTA meeting, I was very aware of how out of place I felt.  Was I the only one who had absolutely no idea what she was doing?  I must have looked like a complete zombie.

Owen, of course, was quiet and reserved, not sure he spoke a word from the time we entered the building until the time we left.  Oh and in typical Hillary fashion we were late.  Why?  Because there were a few items on the supply list that I hadn't gotten.  It helps to pay close attention to quantities.  So we get there, load everything into his locker (They have lockers in Kindergarten?), and sneak into the back of the classroom.  His teacher had all the kids sit on the big carpet at the front of the room as she oriented them to the layout of the room.  Then she came to talk to us, the big people, while the other kids played quietly with puzzles, books, and blocks.  Guess what I learned first?  Turns out the supply list I had was wrong, so I was late for nothing, and I still have to go back to the store.  Perfect.

Then there was more paperwork.  Back in the Spring, at registration, I filled out paperwork for over an hour. No joke.  Then they sent a packet with his teacher's name and information on orientation and such.  Guess what?  More paperwork.  And now I have 4 more pages to fill out. Once we were done, we could turn them in, sneak out of the back, and make our way to the PTA meeting.  As if I wasn't already feeling completely overwhelmed.   They held the meeting in this tiny room.  By the time I arrived, there wasn't even room to stand.  A bunch of us hovered out in the hallway waiting for what we thought was a second wave. The room slowly began to clear and this clueless mom slinked her way towards the front.  Yes, coffee.  And then a woman, asking if I'd filled out my form yet, and do I have my check ready.  Wait, what?  There's only one presentation, but I missed the first one...cause I apparently I wasn't lost enough.  It's a real good thing that my friend in the VP of the PTA.  At least she can fill me in.  Besides, I didn't have my check book on me and the PTA doesn't take Amex.

Defeated I made my way back to Owen's classroom to find him sitting alone on the floor.  His teacher must think I'm the worst mom ever.  First we're late then my kid's the last one there.  Perfect.  What a great way to make a first impression.

Amidst all this chaos, it still hadn't dawned on me that my little boy was going to kindergarten.  KINDERGARTEN.  Am I ready for this? Is his ready for this?  I feel a bit like we're peeking over the top of the hill on a roller coaster.  There's no turning back, but we're at that moment when I wish we could.

The Things We Do As Moms

So I'm sitting outside the Y nearly an hour before they open, just hoping I didn't get here too late to get Blake into the Tots program. Actually I've been here since 4:50 or so. When I arrived, there were already 15 to 20 people in line. Now it's wrapped around the building. I find myself eyeballing those in front of me. Are they here for Tots too? How many of them are after the four remaining Wednesday morning slots. Seriously, you'd think I was camping out for a Black Friday laptop deal. If it weren't so dark, I'd take a picture. It's crazy ridiculous what we'll do to make sure our kids get into a preschool program, a swim lesson or a sports class. Absolutely ridiculous. How insane do you have to be to roll out of bed at 4:20 and come sit on a curb at 5 in the morning just to get your child into a Y program? At least I'm not the only one. The parking lot is almost full now. Wow, after all this, I have to say I'll slip into depression if I don't get the spots I want. Crazy, right? If only it weren't such an awesome program, or if there were a comparable preschool with the same pricing plan? But there's not. This is it. There is no plan B.

I think the fact that I'm a work at home mom now adds to my desire to get him in. I'm sure it does. I woke up before my alarm went off because I was so paranoid that I wouldn't wake up to it. It there a 12 step program for overzealous moms?

Either way, it will all be over in about 30 minutes. I'll let you know how it goes.

Overwhelmed

I bet you're thinking I'm going negative with this blog.  The title would surely imply that, right?  Sure, there are times that I am completely overwhelmed.  How could I possibly add yet another thing to my plate, much less a new business venture?  Hillary, there literally is no time left.  You run a mom's group.  You're the Communications Director for a local campaign.  You're part of a new church plant. You sit on the board of your neighborhood association.  You're running for Central Committee.  Oh yeah, and you have three kids five and under, a husband, a dog, a house, friends and family. Don't worry, I get it, but I've always felt like the Lord has been leading me and somehow they're all connected.  I've talking about the "Spaghetti Junction" that is my life.

Truth is: I'm most productive when I'm so busy I can't breathe.  On days that I have little on my calendar, I literally would sit and veg the entire day, translating into poor parenting, cranky wife, lousy housekeeper, and completely useless individual.  The hills of chaos keeps me going, and I believe my Maker is clearly aware of that.  Do I have to learn boundaries?  Absolutely!  Do I have to communicate better with my husband?  Clearly!  The point is that I'm overwhelmed and still completely filled with joy at the same time.

As Betsy and I venture down this road into the world of business, I'm constantly reminded that this is not my business.  It belongs to God, period.  He's made that clear from the beginning.  The fact that we've only been in business for a few weeks says it all.  Currently, we have six clients, and two more on the way in.  Everyday, we're making new connections, exploring the realms of our abilities, and watching businesses and organizations build foundations that will help them succeed.  It really is such an exciting opportunity and we're loving every second of it. 

I might have to fit work into 10 minutes here and there, an hour or so at naptime, and sometimes into the wee hours of the night, but what we're doing matters to the companies and candidates we work with.  There is such a need for what we do.  We're seeing that small business owners know that they need to market, but lack the skills to do so and the finances to pay a large firm.  We offer cost effective solutions that will help establish the foundation and facilitate the best kind of marketing, word of mouth. 

Overwhelmed!  Not only by the sheer amount of stuff on my plate, but more so by God's goodness.  For some reason, he has chosen to bless this venture.  He clearly has a plan. Our goal is to not only put him at the center, but to let him roam throughout every facet of what we do.  If you're a praying person, you can pray to that end with us. 

Diving into business

If you've noticed the radio silence over the past two weeks, there is actually a good reason for it.  My friend, Betsy, and I have launched a new business, Strategic Victory Consulting.  I know what you're thinking.  Hillary, how could you possibly add one more thing to your plate?  Do you not do enough already?

Honestly, it's something we've been pondering for months now.  We kept thinking that we'd start it up after the election, maybe in January.  However, where would be the value in that.  The start of Maryland holds the vast majority of their elections every four years, meaning there won't be another statewide election until 2014.  Why not use this time between now and the election to build name ID, garner clients, and build relationships with the business community?  So we dove in, and in two short weeks, we have a logo, a website, a registered business, and two clients. 

What do we do?  We're two politically minded ladies with a vision to empower conservatives to victory.  So how would we define victory?  It doesn't have to be a political campaign.  There are a myriad of conservative organizations and small businesses that need help marketing themselves, but often lack the time and budget to do so. Whether candidates, incumbents, organizations or small businesses, we're offering up our expertise in marketing, event planning and fundraising in a budget-friendly way. 

Personally, I'm stoked about where this will take us.  It's always been my goal to go back to work when the kids get in school.  My goal would be that by 2014, when Madison heads off the Kindergarten, we'll be an established business with a steady income and even an office decorated with cute little purple elephants. 

Why the purple elephant?  We're not naive.  We live in Maryland, a deep blue and heavily liberal state.  Our vision is to see it become more a shade of purple than red, more of a two party state. 

Today, we meet with a potential supplier and possible customer.  It's my first official business meeting.  Tonight, we're heading to Howard County to our first networking event, at least professionally. 

It's been such a whirlwind.  Just over a week ago, we were sitting on the beach in Ocean City brainstorming about this venture.  Now, it's a full fledged reality.  Of course, we're a God-centered company and we believe this is the path we've been asked to take.  We covet the prayers of our friends and family, as politics is not exactly a cheery, bright place to work.  We hope to show people that you can work in this arena and maintain your faith and integrity.  And we can't do it without a network of supporters.  So, I'm asking each of you to stand by us, hold us accountable, and pray for us regularly. 

It's a Start

I did it.  I bought a new Bible and journal.  Yesiree, I did!  And they're pretty too. I have a feeling, though, that was the easy part.  Now I must open them and start to process of learning how to connect with God again.  After my post yesterday, Christy and Jen both left comments involving scripture.  So this morning, I decided to start there.  Of course, despite the fact that I was up early, Owen wasn't far behind me.  But I did get about 15 minutes to read through Luke 13:34 and Psalm 130.  The one word that stuck out to me, that ironically isn't mentioned in either passage, is repentance.  I think I"ll chew on that for a while. 

If you have more scripture suggestions for me, bring em on.  Maybe I'll let my friends decide the direction I go.  It's like a call for encouragement and exhortation. What passages have been speaking to you lately?  What has God been teaching you? 

In other news, Neil and I went on a date last night.  Alicia babysat.  In order to be as prepared as possible, I decided to give the kids a bath before we left.  I bet you're expecting a long drawn out story about the debacle that was bath time.  However, it was actually a really pleasant experience, especially when I came into the boys room to grab PJs and found Owen's play clothes neatly folded on his dresser.  Seriously, for a second there, I thought we might have a ghost.  I didn't even know the boy knew how to fold clothes.  I think I just discovered a new chore for him. he he he.

What's on the schedule for today?  Well, here's what I hope it is.  We'll see what actually happens.  First I'd like to go to the gym for a quick work out.  Here's hoping they have a space for Madison right at 9.  Then I'm heading over the the Trolley Trail for Stroller Brigade.  Hopefully someone else will show up.  I'm just not inclined to walk all by myself with three kids.  Doesn't sound like an ounce of fun.  Then, I have to head to Staples to make 400 newsletters for my neighborhood.  Last, I hope we end up at the pool.  Now, this will be my first time venturing off to the pool without the helpful hands of my husband.  You guys can definitely pray for that.  The good news is that, besides Stroller Brigade, there isn't anywhere I really have to be at any particular time, so all of this is fluid.  The bad news is that there isn't anywhere I really have to be at any particular time, so all of this is fluid.  See where I'm going with that?  Let's just hope I don't give up and decide to sit at home and stare at a wall all day. 

Coincidence or Sign of the Times?

So it's not really a secret that Jesus and I have not been connecting lately?  Okay, really it's just me not connecting to him.  Of course,I know that the second I lift the embargo, the flood gates will open, but for some reason I'm keeping him at bay.  I wish I could say that it wasn't for a lack of trying, but I can't, so we'll move on. 

On my recent trip to Georgia, I left my Bible and journal in my in-law's car.  I promise, it wasn't on purpose.  My Mother-in-law, being the sweetheart that she is, boxed them up and shipped them off.  Ironically, they never got here.  I shudder at even the thought of a postal worker reading my prayer journal.  All my deepest, darkest secrets in one place, exposed?  Ouch!  Granted, my life is a wee bit boring for deep, dark secrets, but the point is that they're my thoughts, my prayers, my insights...and now, they're gone.  It's funny how I could go a week or so without even thinking about my journal, but now that it's gone, it's all I think about.  Alright, maybe not all, but still!

All of a sudden, I find myself desiring to journal, but I don't have one.  It's almost like a pregnancy craving, the kind that you'll do anything to satisfy.  I tried just grabbing a pad of paper, but the perfectionist in me (I know, right?) just wouldn't allow me to start writing.  It felt too open, unsafe.  Where would I put it when I was done?  What if I lost it?  How would I keep them in sequential order?  I know it sounds weird, but I've always been a journaler, even before they were prayers.  Every now and then I like to sit down and read back over the years, to see how far I've come and how far I have to go.  It's almost like a chronicle of my walk with God.  When we moved to Maryland, I somehow misplaced several years worth of journals.  I felt like I'd lost a huge chunk of my life. 

I could always tell where I was with God based on the dates in my journal.  When I was journaling every day, it was clearly a sign of good times with Jesus.  The farther they got apart, the more I could tell I was depending on my own strength, allowing the muck of life to get in the way.  Lately, the dates could sometimes span weeks instead of days.  Sure, some of it it busyness or just getting out of the habit, but somewhere in me is a lack of desire to spend time with God...possibly even a conscious decision.  Am I mad?  Or hurt?  Probably a little of both, and even though I know that none of it is God's fault per say, I'm guessing he's the easiest target. 

My mission for the day?  Find a new journal and force myself to sit down and work through these emotions that are clogging up my stairway to heaven.  There can only be so many excuses.

And if you happen to be a postal worker in some post office between Grovetown, GA and Catonsville, MD and see a couple of books lying around without a home, just send them on up here, especially if one happens to be a small, blue Bible and the other, a partially written-in journal.  I'll even reward you with a Starbucks card or two.  I would put up a bigger reward, but then I might receive every lost book in America.  And since I don't read much, that wouldn't be too much fun for me.  Though I could start my own book drive and donate them to a local library. 

If you're a praying person, then I covet your prayers.  I want to get back to that place where I actually communed with God on a daily basis, where He was my source of life, my daily bread.  And though I know that buying a new journal won't solve all my problems, it's a start.

The Broken Keyboard Again

A couple months ago we were having a post yard sale, post shed building cookout with some very helpful friends.  Gosh, that totally sounded like Sir Topham Hat from Thomas the Tank Engine. Anyways, Betsy was the one to find the wounded, keyless laptop.  The shriek echoed up the stairs as I dropped what I was doing and booked it down the stairs.  I threw myself on the floor in search of it's lost limbs, scooping up a K here and a N there.  The men, hearing our moaning and wailing, come barrelling down the stairs to find us weeping for the poor, lost keyboard. 

Okay, maybe I'm over dramatizing the event.  It went down more like this.  "Hey Hills, I think you might want to see this," said Betsy from the bottom of the stairs.  After seeing the atrocity that used to be my laptop, the only thing left to say was, "OOOOOOOOWWEEEENNNNN & BBBBBLLLLLAAAKKKKEEE, Get your behinds downstairs right this second."

To my astonishment, Owen worked as a lone plucker.  Blake was released while Owen faced his sentencing.  He had to sit in time out while Paul & Allen attempted to rekey the board.  In typical male fashion, they refused to look at a qwerty keyboard.  Except for a few switched keys, the boys were able to put Humpty Dumpty back together again, and I had a mostly functioning laptop.

Fast forward to last week, Allison and Alicia are over for entirely different reasons.  Welcome to Grand Central Station.  You know I love the hustle and bustle.  So we're in Alicia's room eying some "genius" wall painting by my very clever and mischievous 4 year old. Then I walk out for some reason or another to find, once again, a keyless laptop.  This time, the culprit, one small-in-stature yet big-on-destruction 3 yr old.  However you wouldn't know it by how calm, cool,and collective he was just sitting there watching whatever was on the TV.  He's coy, I'll give you that, but seeing how Owen was already in time out and Madison was sleeping; there was really no other option.  This time it was Allison, Alicia and I trying to replace the keys.  This time we used another Qwerty keyboard as our guide. We were able to switch back the keys previously reversed, but now instead of 4 permanently missing keys, I now had 10.  Add to that the fact that most keys required a hard press or two before it would type, I realized that I could no longer function with a broken keyboard. 

So I called Acer, who politely told me that they would be happy to replace the keyboard.  Oh yay, really?  Yep, for $199.  What?  The computer isn't even worth that.  Can't you just sell me a keyboard and  I can do it myself?  Nope, I'm guessing they don't trust the end user with a few screws and a plug. 

Then someone said to me, "Hillary,why don't you just go on Ebay and order a new keyboard?" Oh my, the could the solution really be that simple?  Sure enough, I found pages and pages of brand new Acer 5517 keyboards just waiting for me to buy one. A click here, a little Paypal there and voila!  Now all I have to do is wait a few more days, and it won't take me 4 hours to type a paragraph.

All of that, though completely 100% true, was also a little bit of a metaphor for how I feel in my life right now, like a broken keyboard.  I can't go into all the details, but let's just say I could use some prayer.  I'm pretty sure that there isn't as easy a solution (especially since I can't buy a new me), but I would like to be fully restored, no matter how painful the process is.  Functioning right now is a bit like working with the flawed and damaged keyboard.  It probably doesn't help that I feel far from God right now as well.  Okay, it doesn't help at all.  In fact, it's probably what has gotten me here in the first place.  Regardless, if you're a praying person, please do so for me and my family.

My Passion: Lost or On Hold

I can't tell you how many times a day I think, "Oh, I should blog about that," like Blake's reversal in potty training or my near emotional breakdown.  Writing is such a release for me, a chance to vent frustrations or dive deeper into my own psyche. 

People ask me all the time how I manage to do it all, be a wife and a mother, a community activist, a mom advocate, and a political junkie.  Truth is that it isn't easy, and comes with a price, more like a sacrifice.  Lately, I've gone from blogging at least every other day to maybe once a week, if that.  I miss it, more than words can even express.  You know what else I miss, spending time with God.  Yep, it's funny how the things nearest and dearest to my heart are the first things to go when faced with a time crunch.  I feel like I'm constantly managing the urgent but not all that important, like picking up the same toys forty times in one day.  But don't get me started on trying to keep a house somewhat presentable. (I gave up on clean a long time ago).

I thought maybe I could bring you up to date in a manner suitable to my current time constraint: the Glee season finale (both urgent and important...he he).

• Kid free time was amazing, restful and downright frisky (or so Neil says)
• I turned 32 (yuk)
• Went to Florida, saw my mom, the beach, and ate way too much restaurant food
• Got a tick bite that got infected and forced me to see a doc twice while on vacation.
• Came home just in time to celebrate Blake's 3rd birthday and rock out at an 80's prom.
• Won the dance contest at the 80's prom (well...almost)...took my mom. 
• Blake had a pirate themed party and showed off his new jungle gym.
• Madison got bronchilitis for the 3rd time in 3 months...hope it's not asthma
• Hung out with Jo and Ang is Chapel Hill, which was very good for my phyche
• Met with Vanessa and Mandy about turning More than Moms into a non-profit...more to come on that. 
• Got a chance to work the Red, White and Blue dinner this Thursday featuring Mitt Romney...it's a $200 event.  he he
• Sent out my first press release today.
• Owen is almost done with the Tots program and I've signed both him and Blake up for their summer clinic.  Sad and happy all at the same time.
• Walking in Relay for Life this Saturday with Whisler Walking in memory of my dad.  Consider a donation.

The Awaited Vacation

My in-laws come tomorrow beginning, what I hope to be, a much needed break from the chaos that is my life. They are coming for two reasons.  One, to build the play fort/ jungle gym in the back yard and two, to take the kids back with them.  Yep, you read write.  On Monday, all 3 of my beautiful children will be leaving the state without a single parent, leaving Neil and I alone.  What will we do with ourselves?  Of course, I will most likely fill any space emptied by the absence of children with some other conundrum.  For the moment let's pretend that I will be sleeping in til noon, eating cold pizza for breakfast and having nothing but "fun" with my hubby.  Oops, did I actually type that?  Oh well, you all thought it.  For three entire days, I will be at home, during the day, with no kids.  I actually get to go out to dinner with Neil on my birthday and not have to hire a babysitter.  Sweet!

I do have another plan as well, especially for the daytime.  As much as I would like to sleep til noon, it's really not in my nature.  I'd rather use my time wisely, and I can't think of a better way then to start the process of planning a new venture.  Oh, that's right, I haven't told you about said venture because I've been such a blog slacker.  My friends, Betsy,Leslie, and I are thinking of (more like planning on) starting a political consulting business post election.  Of course, if Steve wins, that bodes well for us.  Either way, we're diving in, and I thought I might use my kid-free days to meet with politicians, candidates, and consultants, picking their already fried brains.  It's an election year, everyone's brain is fried and scrambled.  Now if only we had a name for this business.  Hmmm...chew on that one for me, ok?

Back to my kid-less adventure:  It doesn't end there.  On Thursday, I'll wake up bright and early (AKA before noon) and make my way down to Chapel Hill to visit non other than my BFF's Jo and Angela.  I haven't even met Ang's new baby yet (and he's almost 6 months old).  I'll spend 2 days there before heading to Augusta to pick up my beloved offspring.  From there, we'll make the 7 hour drive to Panama City Beach to see my mom.  As the week comes to a close, we'll get back in the car (Mom included) and put the peddle to the meddle all the way back to Maryland, arriving just in time to throw Blake's 3rd Birthday Party and attend the 80's Prom with Team Whisler (yep, I'm making Mom go and buy some 80's garb).  Are you jealous yet?  No, really, you know you are. 

I personally can't wait for the adventure to begin.  I'll try and not be a blog slacker during the trip, but I make no promises.

Walking, Pooping and Keyboards

What could be better than a walking 15 month old and a potty trained almost 3 year old?  They're all mobile, which means I can unleash them into the wild (aka the back yard).  And Blake has leaped over his last hurdle in potty training, 'dropping off the kids in the pool."  Now to teach his potty etiquette, aiming, wiping, and flushing. Beware when you come to visit, in a house with 3 boys (yes I count Neil in that), you always have to look at the seat before sitting down.  It doesn't matter how many times I clean that toilet before company comes over, the boys inevitably make it look like a public bathroom from hell in a matter of moments. 

Now onto the brunt of why I write today...mainly I'm testing out my keyboard.  Why?  Because Owen much has been feeling left out with all the talk of walking and pottying, because Saturday night, he thought it would be fun to take every key off my keyboard.  Yep, every single one.  Paul and Allen graciously offered to reassemble what they could, which surprisingly was most of it.  However a few keys are reversed like the F & G and the comma and period.  And several keys don't yet have a home due to missing springs.  Some keys stick, which slows down my typing considerably.  Yes, I'm not exactly a happy camper, especially considering, in the end, it will probably need professional assistance, as may I before this whole childhood thing is over. 

So send out your thoughts to me today as I rejoice in the triumphs and accomplishments of parenthood, and at the same time attempt to maintain a bit of sanity (and at least one computer).  The end (the typing is annoying me).