I've never been much of a blogger...tried MySpace and Facebook but quickly faded from upkeep due to the chaos I call life. However, recently I've had all these thoughts floating in my head that I just feel compelled to spill out onto paper, but I'm too lazy to get out the pen. So here I am blogging for the first time and hoping that it helps free my mind.
Recently Jo, my best friend, came to visit. Okay, it was Saturday, but recently seemed like a better descriptive word. Over a fabulous kid-free dinner, we discussed the possibilities of me writing a book. My husband, Neil, shares the same sentiments as Jo...I should do it. But seriously, what would I write about. Fiction or non-fiction? Short of long? Free verse or researched? And even if I were to figure out the answers to those questions, when would I find the time to write it. If I carved out 30 minutes of free time a day to write, it would probably take me 14 years 9 months to finish it, and by then most of what I would be writing would be irrelevant. I know what you're thinking..."if you really want to write Hillary, then you could easily carve out more than 30 minutes a day." Really? Allow me to introduce you to my life of chaos, and as a disclaimer, let me first say that I would not exchange my chaos for organization even on my roughest days.
Owen, my 2 1/2 year old just plopped himself down next to me and is continually trying to type his own blog. Oh wait, now he's off to the other room where I will shortly be following a loud crash or, even worse, a long period of silence. All the while, Blake, my 9 month old, is practicing his newest skill, crawling, which requires me to be on the move constantly. What about naptime, Hillary? If you're a mom, you know naptime lasts about an 1 hour and a half on a good day when you can get both children to overlap naptimes. Oops, Blakes stuck...be right back. In that hour and a half, I have to cram in an entire day's worth of to do's plus the ones left over from yesterday (and the day before that). So nap time is out. Okay, Hills, what about after the kids are in bed? Good point. After 8 pm, yes, the house falls silent, and yes, the thoughts in my head are swarming. But let's not forget that I still have to make time for my biggest priority (one that I'm sure get's misplaced quite often) my husband. By the time we're winding down and ready for bed, (BRB Blake in the dog food) who has enough energy to organize thoughts on paper. So my only option is to take advantage of the few moments I have a day to attempt to rid my head of these tormenters aching to get out.
Yes, I am a wife. I am a mom of two. I am a Pampered Chef consultant. I am a camp director. I am a Friend. I am a Family member. But mostly, and the one I'm afraid most of losing sight of, I am Hillary. That's what this blog is about...it's about me getting back to me, finding my identity again, an identity centered in Christ and what He thinks of me. Isn't it curious how often we look to others in our lives to shape our identity...our husbands, our kids, the other mom's around us, our mothers & fathers? That's reality, but somehow I have to find my way back to me. Maybe you'll join me on the journey.
Until my next 30 minutes or less...
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