Sunday, November 15, 2009

Living in the Rut

Still no mentor, but then again, sitting around hoping one will show up on my doorstep is probably not the best strategy.  What else is going on?  I think this is problem, why my personal blog falls to the wayside.  I spend so much of my time pouring myself into my other blogs, whether it's regarding politics or mommyhood.  I manage four blogs and one website, on top of organizing meetups for More than Moms, attending events for Team Whisler, and oh yeah, being a mom to three wonderful children.  Let's not forget the most important things, being a wife and a child of God.  Most of the time, I feel like a complete failure in all of these areas.  I'm sure it's just the enemy attacking my self-worth. Lucky for him, he certainly knows where my buttons are and wastes no time going for the jugular. I find myself getting in these ruts from time to time, where I turn myself inward and allow laziness and procrastination to overcome me.  Guess where I've been the last couple of weeks?  Yep, in said rut.  I have recognized a correlation between my spiritual life and these dips in my psyche. It's almost as if I've gone into hiding.  Does that sound silly?  Who am I hiding from? My family? My husband? My responsibilities? God himself?  I have no idea, but my best guess would be my Heavenly Father.  Why though?  Why would I run away from someone who knows me and still loves me without condition?  Don't look at me.  If I had the answer, I wouldn't be working it through it with you.

I have been proud of one area though.  Lately, my house is cleaned everyday.  If you know me, then you know how hard this is for me.  It's the one area of my life that is completely defeating.  I clean one area, move on to the next, then come back and find the first area a mess again.  But in the last couple of weeks, I've managed to make sure the house is neat and clean by the time Neil gets home. Granted, it might be 5 minutes before he walks in the door, but the point is that it's done, and it makes me a better wife (and by extension, mom).

If you think about it, pray that I can get back in the grove of things, especially in my relationship with God.  I don't like being ineffective and unproductive.  I could use the support.  Hope my next post comes sooner than two weeks.  That's just ridiculous, right? 


Christy said...

Hey Hills, your last paragraph reminded me of a passage we've been memorizing all year at bible study.
2 Peter 1:3-9
We've focused on a different part all year, and it's been a good reminder to keep "making every effort" but also to remember that God gives us everything we need.

Love you!

Anonymous said...

Have you considered that maybe God wants you to BE a mentor instead of HAVING one? Your spiritual connection is a strong one and it could be you should be asking if that's how you are to serve. You would be surprised at what you get in return for giving.