Saturday, March 20, 2010

Spring Flinging; No Bitterness Lingering.

I've spent the better part of the day clearing, cleaning, and organizing. Slowly, I'm digging through the muck of winter and changing over to Spring. It's freeing, almost, being able to let go of "too smalls" or the "too bigs" or even the "too uglys". The more I clean though, the more there is to do. It really is an endless cycle. Honestly, I can't wait for our annual Yard Sale, coming up on May 1. Finally I'll have the use of two closets that have been taken over by unwanted stuff. If I wasn't so selfish and greedy, I'd just donate it all to charity. Of course, that's where most of it will end up after all is said and done, but I'd like to have some kind of return on investment.

I've been setting up an office in one of our spare rooms in the basement, reclaiming it from the boys. It's so nice to have a place to gather the four corners of my life, campaign, church, mom's group, and neighborhood association.

In the process, I've also been digging through old picture frames. Keep this, chuck that, hang this...pause, who's that handsome man in that photo embracing that fabulously young and rather skinny girl? Oh yeah, it's my Dad. I love that picture, taken just months before Neil and I relocated to Maryland. All was well then. No one was sick or hurting. That picture now hangs on the wall next to my desk, along with a montage of old and new friends, early pics of Neil and me, and even my Dad's first magazine cover. I feel surrounded by love and good memories.

I have to say that for the better part of two years, I've been hiding my Dad. Anything and everything that reminded me of him, I placed inside a box. It was just too painful to look at. And even today, as I glanced upon his face, tears would fall, but it felt different...peaceful. I smiled. I chuckled to myself as I remembered that very day at my sister's house. Maybe the bitter times have passed and I can now remember him for who he Dad, who once again hangs on my wall, greeting me as I pass by, reminding me that I'm his little girl. I truly think he would be proud.


Love or Nothing said...

thanks for sharing that experience with us last night hil.. it really is a testament of hope in your life. and i love that picture :)

Hillary Pennington said...

Thanks Sarah. It's all part of the healing process. I just never thought it would take so long. I'm thankful that I can finally share without completely being heartbroken. I'd glad you shared too. I can't wait to get to know you better.

Anonymous said...

Hillary, let me try to word this like your dad would: Hell yes he's proud of you!
And why not? Look at what you have accomplished. A happy marriage, beautiful family, your writing and all the other things that define you as a person. You are a wonderful person and a daughter who is doing her daddy proud.
No doubt he's sitting up there with God and Jesus saying "Look at my girl go!"
Time really does ease pain. Hillary, reach over your shoulder and pat yourself on the back.