Sunday, September 21, 2008

A Long Trip...

Although this trip isn't nearly as long or turbulent as my last trip 5 months ago, it will still be both long and turbulent. I'm leaving tomorrow, with the boys, minus the husband, to drive down to Augusta, GA for the first time since my dad passed. Next Saturday, or this Saturday (depending on how you look at it), we will be burying my Dad's ashes in a plot in Magnolia Cemetery in Augusta.

I'm sure it will be a nice, simple service with a small crowd of family, but like my last departure, I have a few fears. One, I've done a good job of avoiding the topic as much as possible, surrounding myself with distractions, and I'm not sure it's going to be so easy being there. I was talking with Jo the other day on IM and she asked me if this trip will be good for me or just drudge up the past. My response? Both! Maybe drudging up the past is just what I need to bring some closure (as much as can be brought). Then again, maybe not. Who knows until I come out on the other side?

My second fear, and a valid one, is once again dealing with my family. I don't know if any of you remember this, but it was a fear when I left back in March and continues to be one now. Only this time, it's been perpetuated by my Dad's departure. Simply drama, and I'm not sure I'm in the mood for it. My aunt's will all be there for the service, as well as my sisters and my step-mom. All were at the memorial service, save one aunt. She chose not to come to what she described as a service not for people who loved Dad, but for people he barely knew. Well, I spent 4 weeks with these people he barely knew and all I can say is that they are wonderful strangers. I'm not going to air my family's dirty laundry, but let's just say that I'm not exactly looking forward to what may come (out of my mouth).

It is amazing to me how family members you rarely see can still have such an impact on your life. It seems like dysfunction is more the rule than the exception. We come to expect it, dread it, and regret it.

I'll keep you guys and myself updated through out what should be a fairly interesting and emotional week. I'm honestly looking forward to the process. The last trip brought me through a wild storm that left pieces of me lying all over the place, but I came out a stronger person because of the grace of God, and I happened to be carrying a little something extra (in my belly).
By the way, on a lighter note: Owen is fully potty trained (and tree, deck, and floor trained), but at least he's no longer pooping in his potty. Camp is on it's way to a second season with many new changes and exciting additions. Blake is climbing all over the place, loves the toilet (playing in it), the buttons on the TV, and anything in Mat's room (oh, did I tell you we have a tenant?). So Mat is Clare's boyfriend, soon to be fiance, soon to be husband who's staying in our basement and helping with our new mortgage until he goes off and gets hitched. He's great with the boys and even makes homemade Mac & Cheese. I'm thinking about trying to sabotage their relationship so we can keep him around longer.


Kara said...

I love ya Hills. I wish Augusta was closer!

Anonymous said...

Hillary, my thoughts are with you and your family. Your dad is still sorely missed by the many readers he inspired, me among them. He will always be remembered by people he never met but loved him very much and that is a great legacy to leave behind. Please tell him I said hello.

Pat said...

Yes, I too love hills & prefer to plan camping vacation trips nearby them.

Anonymous said...

Hillary, like Manuel, I too miss your Dad's wonderful perspective of life. I have lost too many friends this past year.

David Foster always got it right!

Richard Schwartz