A "Good" Lie

As I was walking outside to get some fresh air, I passed a guy who smiled at me and quickly asked, "how are you today?" Without thinking I responded with the expected response, "good." A few seconds later, I realized that I just lied. What would have happened if I had stopped and said, "thanks for asking. I'm actually not doing so well today?" That guy doesn't want to hear about my life. He was just being polite. Truth is that he probably doesn't care how I am. But there are people who do. How often do I lie with one simple word, "good?"

Over the past ten days, I've had numerous conversations, both on the phone and in person, and normally, the first question they ask is, "how are you?" I have a good friend, Katy, who begins every conversation with "hello," pauses for response, "how are you?" She even uses the same tone each time. It's comforting to know that she is so predictable. Most of the time, I answer with a quick "good" and move on to the point of the conversation. The difference between Katy and this man in the hallway is that Katy does care, though it's still easier to gloss over my true state of being and move on to things that are more on the surface. It's safe, but right now, it's a lie. I'm not good, unless you define "good" as confused, sad, tired, frustrated, and sometimes in denial. I don't feel the need to ellaborate, and you should know that, all things considered, I am doing okay. I'm surviving, taking one step at a time.

My dad has had a rough couple of days. This fluid is his abdomen is causing him to be in pain. Doc is looking at a procedure that will redirect the fluid back into his system to keep it from building up. In the meantime, it's not so fun. Not to mention that the nutrients they are giving him are messing with his head a little causing some confusion and loopiness. As we found out on Saturday, the cancer isn't the issue right now...it's this stupid fluid, and we don'teven know why it's happening.

The stories I've heard from people are never good where this fluid is involved. Speaking of, if you have a positive story, I'd love to hear it. It would be encouraging to hear about someone that came out on the other side of this junk and recovered.

I love your comments. It makes me smile to know people are reading and care enough to check up on me. I might not be good, but I don't feel alone and that is what keeps me going. Thanks for your prayers. I need 'em.

Dilemmas

Neil asked me last night when I thought I might come home. My answer remains, "I don't know." I wish I did. It would be so much easier if I had some sort of crystal ball to look into the future and see exactly what is going to happen. But we all know that it doesn't exist. Whether or not I stay depends on so much more than me. First of all, there's my dad. Then there are my kids and my mother in law. There's how much I miss my husband. I'm sure the list could go on and on. At this point, I don't feel like I can leave, and am not planning on it until at least this weekend. After that, we'll just have to see how things are going. Of course my father-in-law has threatened me within an inch of my life if I leave before he gets back in town, which should be this weekend.

For now, I'm staying put and attempting to be useful. My other dilemma stems from my cousin's wedding. It's on the 19th in Warner Robins. He's very important to me, so I really want to be there...really! But it's two and a half weeks from now, and I'm not sure how happy Neil would be with me if I came home then turned around and came back. It's not just the wedding though, my mom will be there and I'll have a chance to see my grandparents. So I'm praying that it will all work out and I can do everything.

Lastly, I'm beginning to get a little frustated that Neil hasn't heard anything back about this job in Athens. Remember my "trick or treat" blog, well, I'm starting to feel a little tricked. Granted, I realize that God doesn't do those sort of things, trick us, but that doesn't mean that I don't feel that way. It's been a week and a half since the interview and we haven't heard a thing, not even a "no." It's hard to not start doubting. But really, what am I suppose to have faith in. Am I allowed to trust God for the job? What if it's not in his plan? What if He was just testing me to see if I was actually ready and willing to stay in Maryland? To be honest, especially with all that is happening with my dad, I don't want to stay anymore, and I'm afraid that this interview thing might just throw be back on the side of discontentment. That's not what I want, but I can already feel it starting to seep in. Do you realize how much easier all these "dilemmas" would be if I lived an hour and a half away? They wouldn't even exist.

Most of my car rides back and forth to the hospital involve conversations with God. I think I've spent more time with him in the last week or so then I have in the past two months. Funny how it's in the dark times that we see our need at it's clearest. They've been good conversations, though most end in tears.

I keep going back to the summer after I graduated college. Now bare with me on this story, it's a little complicated. My BFF Jo was going to China for a year. I was working as a wilderness counselor out in Colorado. Jo was scheduled to leave for training the week before I was scheduled to come home. I don't know why, but it seemed very important to me to see Jo before she left. So I asked my boss, John, if I could leave camp a week early. Due to the fact we were understaffed that last week, he couldn't let me go. I was devastated, but I didn't give up. I prayed and asked God to move mountains and take me home in time to see her. Time passed and nothing changed. About a week and a half before she left, she called to tell me that she had a layover in Denver for about an hour and a half. John thought that this was my answer to my prayer. He even offered to take me up to Denver, but you know what, I wasn't satisfied. Something in me told me to not stop believing, and I didn't. People kept telling me to just be happy with this wonderful blessing of a few rushed moments at the airport. But I wasn't. I just kept praying that God would let me go home.

It was the Monday of the second to last week of camp. We had a group there from the inner city of Chicago. I was sitting in the cafeteria when John walked up and asked to speak with me for a moment. He seemed very serious, and I literally thought to myself, "what did I do this time?" "Hills," he said (no one knew me by my actual name), "I'm gonna have to send you home." "What?" I screeched, "Are you kidding me?" Turns out, the Dad/Teen camp scheduled for the last week had been cancelled due to both participants having to back out at the last minute. By the way, I feel really bad for the guy who had to fall off his ladder so I could see Jo, but I don't think I could have been happier. It took me a long time to realize this, but God sending me home early to see Jo had more to do with God's glory then me getting what I wanted. It wasn't just me that saw Him work in that situation. The entire staff at Eagle Lake stood in awe that day.

I almost lost my best friend that year due to some silly girl issues, but seeing what God was willing to do for us, investing in our friendship, helped both of us fight our way back to each other. When I think about "coming home" again, I can't help but remember the time that God moved mountains for me. I just pray he'll do it again, strengthening not only my faith, but Neil's, and all of those standing around us waiting to see what God is going to do.

Spring's a Bloomin'!

Since I've been here with dad, we've had two really good days. The day I wrote about sunny days and today. The report from the CT Scan came back this morning, and it all looks good, at least as good as it can be. The tumors are not growing and the C-Diff is gone. Dad is certainly celebrating and for good reason. I think all of us were thinking that scan might show something else going on, my dad especially, but it didn't. So, they're keeping him until Wednesday to build up his strength and energy. They've been giving him nutrients and fat via IV. Just looking at him, you can tell a difference. His color is returning, and his eyes are less puffy. All things considered, it's a great day.

I can see now why everything blooms in Spring. For those of you up north, you might not even see Spring coming, but in Augusta, GA, it's already here. When people are sick, cancer sick, the winter is their worst enemy. It's cold and they're all couped up inside where army's of germs linger waiting to attack. And when you're immune system is so fragile from chemo and cancer, it's a difficult battle to fight. With Spring comes warmth, beauty and hope. It's been a rough winter for my dad, but I'm hoping that the change in weather will help him build back up his strength and muscle tone to prepare for the next battle.

I'll write again later.

Cheerleaders

In life there is hardship, pain, and loss; it's just part of living in a fallen world, a fact of life. Though we try desperately to avoid it, we can't.

Death seems entirely surreal to me. My mind simply can't grasp the absence of life. And even though I know intellectually that my soul lives on for eternity, I can't imagine what that will be like, can you? As humans the best way to think about death is to not think about it at all, right? If we pretend it's not there, than maybe it will never find us. Then one day it starts knocking on the door of someone close to you. All of a sudden, it is hard to hide. You feel desperate, like taking that someone hostage, a standoff with the grim reaper, trying to protect them from the uncertainty of that last breath here on earth.

On my trip down here to Augusta, I could feel the fear seeping into my veins, fear of seeing my dad in a weakened state; fear that he might not have peace and assurance of his eternity, and fear of dealing with my dysfunctionally perfect family. Thankfully God has given me the grace, strength and support to do what needs to be done, to just be here with my dad, and to do it without feeling alone. My husband, who happens to be in Massateusetts this week, calls daily to check in on me and is willing to let me be here as long as I need. My mother-in-law watches the boys without complaint all day long so I can take care of dad and give my step-mom a very needed break. Mom and Becca, my sister, provide me with a much needed outlet. Pat,great friend from my college days, has stepped in to provide support and escape when need be. And friends from every era of my life call and send emails just to let me know that they're there. These are my cheerleaders, and I couldn't do this without them. I can see Jo, Angela, Jen, Clare, Katy, Michelle, and numerous other friends on the sidelines in their cute outfits and pompoms shouting, "H-O-T-T-O-G-O, Hillary Pennington is Hot-To-Go," while jumping, kicking, and raising up spirit fingers. You all need to know that I see you, I hear you, and I love you. Keep cheering because the game is not over yet, far from it.

And thank you, Jo, for your inspiring comment on my last entry. I've often thought about writing about my dad. Maybe when this is all over, I can compile these entries and publish a memoir of sorts. Who knows? I think I would have to gain some self confidence in my abilities first. You guys might enjoy it, but the bigger question is whether it would offer anyone else inspiration or comfort. And for that matter, if a publishing company would see the merit in it as well. Oh well, not dwelling on that now. It's not the time.

So I started out talking about taking my dad hostage from the grim reaper and ended up with cheerleaders. Talk about one extreme to the another. Hey, maybe I am hunkering down in a house with my family, surrounding my dad while death stands outside waiting for a moment of weakness and all of you are behind the police line in your cheerleading uniforms holding a pep rally. Dumb analogy, but it's hilarious in my mind.

Back to reality for a moment: Dad is having a CT Scan in about an hour. This should give us a better picture of what is going on. I'll fill you in when I can. He'll be in the hospital at least until Monday, as will I.

View From a Hospital Room

I wonder what goes through an architects mind when they design a hospital complex. Do they really think it's a healing site for a sick person to look out their hospital room window and see nothing but concrete, construction, and cars? I realize their probably isn't much they could do seeing as this is a downtown area and there are about three hospitals within a stone's thow, but would it kill them to throw in a bit of scenery. My dad just asked me, "what are we looking at today?" I would have loved to have told him a small pond welcoming home the geese from their winter furlow, or a park boasting a playground filled with children enjoying the breezy Spring day. No, instead, I listed off a variety concrete structures.

You might be wondering what happened between my last post and this one that would find me sitting in my dad's hospital room watching him dose off and on. Well, yesterday was a pretty crappy day for him. I'd tell you his words exactly, but then I would have to sensor them. He went in for some fluids and to drain the fluid out of his abdomen. What should have been a two to three hours at the doctor's turned into an entire day event, and he didn't even get his fluids. Driving home with my dad and my sister, I could tell he wasn't feeling well. For the most part, he slept it off. This morning, Sherry called to tell me that they had admitted him to the hospital for extreme dehydration. So here I am, just sitting with my dad.

This is certainly not a good sign, but I can't say it's a bad one either. The hard truth is that I just don't know. But really who does? Do any of us know when the end will come for anyone? True as that is, I think it's more difficult when you can see it coming and can't do a darn thing to stop it. I feel entirely helpless, but not lacking in hope. My dad won't beat this cancer, but there is hope that he will die in peace, and maybe there is a way that God can use to me to make him more comfortable.

I'm pretty sure I'm not coming home this weekend and at this point, I'm planning on being here through next week. I continue to covet your prayers; for my dad, for myself, for Neil and the kids, for grace, peace, and strength.

Quick Side Note: Please don't be afraid to call or email. I enjoy the distraction. If I can't talk right then, it's still nice to see the missed call or voicemail. However, if you want to know what's going on with my dad, please just read the blog. It keeps me from having to tell the same story over and over again, plus I might be with him and can't really talk about him. And please, no texts. I get charged for each one...you know me, I'd rather talk than attempt to spell things out in my phone. It takes too long.

Sunny Days are Here Again

Yesterday was a good day for dad. He ate an entire cup of yogurt, two orange slices, and a bite or two of pizza. It might not sound like much to you, but for a man with no appetite, it's huge. We sat out on his deck, under the Spring sun, for about an hour. Dad smoked his pipe and read the paper, while I ate a sandwich and enjoyed the warmth and intermittent conversation. After a nice sized nap, Dad said that he might want a pizza for dinner. Of course there wasn't one in the house, so Sherry (step-mom) told me where to get the specific one he wanted. I drove down to the Fresh Market, and got the pizza. When a man as sick as my dad says he wants to eat something then he pretty much gets whatever he wants.

Dad said he wanted to go for a walk before he ate his pizza. Just for perspective: the first two days I was here, he literally slept all day long and didn't have enough energy to get out of bed, much less walk. We walked out the house, to the street and down to the Robert's house (about two house lengths). Again, probably doesn't sound far to you, but to dad, it's a million miles. When we got back, we sat out on the side porch for a little while and dad smoked his pipe.
I prepared the pizza which took much longer than I expected. By the time it was ready, what appetite he had was gone. I felt horrible, like it was my fault he couldn't eat the pizza. Technically speaking, it was, though he tried to ease my guilt.

I left shortly after 7, trying to get back to say goodnight to the boys. Owen was still up when I got there, but Blake had crashed. As nice as it is to have the freedom to care for my dad without having to worry about the boys, I still miss them. But I'm so grateful for Neil's mom who has graciously set aside her life to take care of them for me.

As the days get warmer, the future looks little brighter for Dave Foster. Winter is a cancer patient's worst enemy. You think it's easy for kids to contract things when their cooped up inside, just think what it might be like for a man without an immune system. The sun, warmth and fresh air do him good, brightening his spirits, motivating him to try harder, eat more, exercise.

So I'll take the sunny days because they give me hope. My sister is coming today to visit. It's supposed to be even warmer than yesterday (in the 70's), so let's hope it's another good day, or maybe even a great day.

For now, I've decided I'm staying until I'm not needed anymore or I outstay my welcome, which ever comes first. I don't know how long that will be. We'll just have to wait and see.

Progress Report

First off allow me to apologize for not keeping you all up to date. I can't believe it's been almost a week since my last post. To be honest, I attempted to blog several times but found myself at a loss for words. Right now I am sitting in a Panera Bread in Augusta, Ga killing time before I have to go pick up my dad from the doctor's office.

As you may or may not know, I left my house around 11 am on Saturday and drove to Chapel Hill, NC to stay with my friends Rodg & Ang. Rodger was kind and brave enough to volunteer to watch the boys while Ang and I got in some girl time. Major props to Rodg. Ang and I headed to downtown Chapel Hill where we sat in a small cafe/bar, had a few beers, and shed several tears. It was just the medicine my soul (and hers) needed. We talked a lot about my dad and this job thing with Neil, and her struggle settling into Chapel Hill and making friends, and even though it had been a while since our last girl time, it was as if we saw each other everyday. This is the type of friendship that surpasses proximity. I might not know what happens on a day to day basis, but that doesn't affect the connection.

I drove into Augusta on Sunday. The fact that it was Easter Sunday rarely registered to me. It was actually kind of nice. There were no Easter baskets filled with candy or eggs hiding behind the bushes, and I didn't even go to church. But that was okay with me. God was ministering to my soul all day long. From conversations with good friends to sporatic moments in the car, I feel at a place of intimacy with God. And it's been a while since I could say that with confidence. He's is sustaining me with grace and peace, and believe me, I need it.

After I dropped the boys off with Nana and Papa, I went straight to dads. When I arrived, Sherry (step-mom) and Alex (half sister) were gone and Dad was alone. Laying in his bed, only his head and neck poking out from under the covers, laid a very weak, anorexic looking man, a man beaten and battered by a relentless disease. My fears were realized in a moment...my dad is dying. He didn't look as bad as I expected after hearing my sister describe his state of being, but as he lifted his arm to eat a piece of orange, I could literally see his two arm bones and a little bit of skin. That was it...no muscle, no fat; just skin and bones. Death is not something I have a lot of experience with...okay, not really any, and being that it is a consuming fear of mine, I literally had to plant my feet on the ground to keep myself from pivoting on one foot and escaping out the front door. I want to remember my dad as he was before the cancer...strong, stubborn, arrogant, and a little bit of a gut hanging over his pants. I'm not sure how I'll handle all of this, but I can look around and see how God has provided and prepared me for this very situation. My in-laws live in the same town, providing me with free, excellent childcare. My friend Pat lives here as well giving me an escape route. His dad died from cancer about three weeks ago...so we can relate. There are several old college friends here in Augusta that I haven't seen in 8 years, but are more than willing to hang out or hold my hand if I need it. God is our great provider, and I see that now. It's going to be difficult, probably the hardest thing I have done thus far in my life, facing my darkest fears head on, and I am so thankful that I am not alone.

Thank you all for your prayers and support. I need them and I feel them. Please feel free to stay in touch while I am gone. It's nice to know that people are thinking about you. And if you know anyone that needs some Pampered Chef, I could use a few orders to help pay for this trip. I might be gone a week, two weeks or a month...it's just so unknown right now. I continue to covet your prayers and support, and if I'm gone beyond this week, I would really appreciate if a few of you were willing to take Neil in and make sure he gets fed. He's in Massachusetts this week, but he's coming back this weekend.

In the grace that sustains me,
Hillary

Escape Route

Isn't it funny how we plan escape routes and emergency plans for natual disasters, but rarely think about them for life's crisis'? Maybe that's why people end up drowning their sorrows in a sea of Jim Beam. Lately, I feel like I've been trying to escape. Luckily I'm not looking to the bottle, though peeling myself off the cold vinyl while hugging the toilet sounds thrilling...just not my style. Instead, I've been watching reruns of fun, chick flicky like tv shows on the internet. I guess living in non-reality is better than facing my reality. But the real question is why? Why do I want to escape? And if I had planned an escape route ahead of time, would I have chosen a better one; maybe a more spiritual one?



During "Safety Week" in school, we'd talk about our family plans for emergencies; fires, tornadoes, burglars, etc... By the way, did you ever wonder why they talk to kids about developing escape routes? I guess so we'd go home and talk to our parents about it. Seriously sometimes adults can be so naive. Anyways, I remember mom detailing a plan on a few occasions. All the drills in the world though can't mimic reality, right?

Stories from a Grade School Lunch Table

Take a break from lessons on thrift, and go back in my history with me for a few moments. I was sitting in Chick-Fil-A desperately trying to enjoy dinner with my family and my friend Clare. All I could think of was a book my dad had given me, well actually two, Scary Stories & More Scary Stories. They're not profound literature and they don't hold any real value to anyone other than me, and maybe my dad, but when he gave them to me & signed the inside cover, they became priceless. I was in grade school, can't tell you the specific grade, but I'm thinking it was around third when I was in Mrs. Nalley's class and was far from popular. But when my dad came to eat lunch with me, I felt like a queen for a day. He's a great story teller, and all the kids knew it. On those days, everyone wanted to sit at my table just to hear my dad tell about the days he was a cow chip inspector in south east Georgia. Now you might know what a cow chip is, but it took it me years to figure out it was dung...and even more to clue into the fact that he was joking. I didn't care though. He was there. To be honest I don't remember if it was pre or post divorce. It's one of the few times in my life that I just remember being with my dad...on my turf, when he came into my world.

One day he brought a book with him and began reading these "scary" stories. Kids flocked to hear him read. And for that day, I had the coolest dad in the world. He gave me the book before he left, signing the inside cover. Every night for weeks, maybe months, I read that book before I went to bed. A little while later, he came again and brought it's sequel, More Scary Stories. Again he gave me the book, and again he wrote in it. I still have them today.

These are the types of memories I choose to remember about my dad, the times when he seemed larger than life...the times when he was a normal dad and I was a normal daughter. I'm leaving in a few days to go down to Georgia while Neil is out of town on business. I hope to spend some time with my dad. He's not doing so well, and to be quite frank, it scares me. I don't know how long I have with him. Do you know what scares me even more than losing him to this terrible disease? Not knowing what he believes about eternity. How do you have that conversation with your dad who's clearly dying? From the time I heard he had cancer, for three years now, my prayer has been that God would heal my dad spiritually and that he would die knowing true peace, peace that could only come from a relationship with Jesus Christ. I just want him to be in peace.

Right now, I'm battling away the sadness. I simply have no answers, no guarantees, and I know he's not getting any better. Honestly, I'm afraid to see him so weak. In my mind, my dad is larger than life, like the man who made me feel larger than life for a day or two in grade school. It must be so humbling for him that people see him in this state. I spent most of my adolescence being angry and bitter that my dad left us to start a new family, a family that wanted nothing to do with us. When I became a Christian at 18, I finally found peace, (the same peace I want my dad to experience) and the ability to forgive. I chose to love for dad for who he was, with all his flaws and insensitivities, and not for who I wanted him to be. Since then, I vowed to spend as much time as I could with him, and I did. I don't have any regrets and I don't harbor any bitterness. Sure, it's been a struggle, especially after I married Neil and realized I had all these insecurities and fears.

I don't think my dad realizes the effects he has on people, mainly his children. Or maybe he does, but his pride won't let him admit it. I'm not even sure if he knows it was wrong to have affairs, to betray the woman he vowed to love until death. Maybe to him it's just part of life. I have to imagine that this very battle with death has likely caused him to think back over his life, but I can't tell you what he found or what his perspective is of it. The truth is I don't really know my dad all that well. What I do know I've gathered from what little I remember from the first 10 years of my life, which isn't much, and the pockets of time spent since. It's not much, but I do know he's a human being who can feel, and think, and act. I know he loves me, and my brother and sisters...at least the best he can. I don't doubt that. I love my dad very much, and I don't want to lose him. Sometimes I wish I could just be back in that school lunch room listening to him read from a book about silly scary stories.

Couponing 101

Now clipping coupons is not just about saving money...I really like to see how much money I can save and what I can get for free. Sometimes it's like a game. A few weeks ago I was at SuperFresh where they double coupons up to $.99. Most of the other stores around here only double up to $.50. Anyways, on this particular day they were tripling coupons. I love triple coupon week. When the clerk was done scanning my 20 or so coupons and gave me my total, the guy standing behind me with his pregnant wife said, "wow, those things really add up. You saved like $30 just with coupons." I smiled, made some cutsy comment and left thinking, "it was really close to $45, but yep...they add up!" Just so you know, my grand total was only $48, so I saved about 50% off my bill just in coupons. Granted, if they hadn't been tripled, it wouldn't have been that much, but if I didn't have the coupons, I would have savednothing and my bill would have been $92. So it can make a difference.

Let's start with the basics...where to get coupons. You're best source is the sunday paper. Our neighbor is gracious enough to give us his sale inserts so we don't have to buy one, but even if I bought it, it's only like $1.50 a week...not bad when you're saving $45! You can also find coupons online at places like smartsource.com & redplum.com. Keep in mind, though, that if you print coupons off the internet, you are most likely using color ink and might be spending more to print them then you actually save, especially when they use an entire page for one coupon and add an advertisement for the product. You get that a lot on those sites. In order to print coupons, you also have to install add-ons, "coupon printers", which can be difficult to get rid of (especially coupons.com). I rarely print a coupon online. Besides they don't really have that many different ones than the paper. I will, however, sign up for coupons online. At flamingoworld.com, you can find a list of grocery coupons that you sign up for from the manufacturer. These are normally much higher values than the regular ones. Still, you're best bet is the Sunday paper.

Before you start clipping, it's good to know your favortite stores' coupon policies? Do they double? Up to what amount? Do they allow competitor's coupons? Do they accept online coupons (many don't)? While you're checking out the coupon policy, ask about their pricing guarantee. It's a little known fact, but most stores will give you an item for FREE if it rings up the wrong price. You have to wait until your transaction is complete, then take your receipt to customer service, but for free, it's worth it. Store misprice all the time. I get something for free almost every week, and since I use coupons, a lot of times, I actually make money. Last week, I bought a three pack of socks that were supposed to be $2.99. It was going to be a great deals anyways since I had a $1.00 off coupon and a $2.00 mail in rebate. But to sweeten the deal, they rang up $4.94! So not only did I get them for free, but I made $2.59 (- $.41 stamp). Not bad, huh? So the morale of the story is to know your store's policies.

The system! I use a 5x7 index card box with dividers for A-Z, plus ones for Expiring, Target, BJ's, CVS, and the specific grocery stores I shop. Now a lot of people ask me why I organize my coupons alphabetically instead of by category. It's much easier to find what I need when they are alphabetical. And as for the other dividers. Sometimes when you check out you'll receive register receipts that are only good at that store. I file those under the store names instead of the product. Stores like Target & CVS will allow you to combine a store coupon with a manufacturer which just sweetens the deal. I like my deals sweet just like my coffee. After you finish clipping your coupons, alphabetize them by brand name. I do have a few exceptions, cereals are filed under the company name like Kellogg's or General Mills, as well as brands like Kraft, Pillsbury & Betty Crocker. Of course you can organize your coupons however you like. I've used several systems over the years and this is by far the best for me.

People also tell me that they think coupons are a waste of time because generic brands are less expensive or because they don't find coupons for the brands they buy. I say...that may very well be true. Sometimes the generic brand is a better deal, but that's not generally the rule for me. And if you are picky about brands, I might not be able to help you anyways. Many times I'll walk out of a store with several FREE or super cheap items. I rarely pay more than a $1 for boxes of cereal. I almost never pay more than $.50 for deodorant. Toothpaste is normally free, as well as toothbrushes and taco seasoning packets.

Later I'll clue you in on the hidden secrets the stores don't want you to know about...there are a bunch! In the meantime, think about starting up a coupon collection. By the way, unless I know that I will absolutely never use a specific coupon, like for Depends or Osteoporosis meds, then I clip them all. You never know when you can use one for something free. And even if you don't use the product, you can donate it to a homeless shelter or halfway house.

Until later comes...