Tuesday, April 1, 2008

A "Good" Lie

As I was walking outside to get some fresh air, I passed a guy who smiled at me and quickly asked, "how are you today?" Without thinking I responded with the expected response, "good." A few seconds later, I realized that I just lied. What would have happened if I had stopped and said, "thanks for asking. I'm actually not doing so well today?" That guy doesn't want to hear about my life. He was just being polite. Truth is that he probably doesn't care how I am. But there are people who do. How often do I lie with one simple word, "good?"

Over the past ten days, I've had numerous conversations, both on the phone and in person, and normally, the first question they ask is, "how are you?" I have a good friend, Katy, who begins every conversation with "hello," pauses for response, "how are you?" She even uses the same tone each time. It's comforting to know that she is so predictable. Most of the time, I answer with a quick "good" and move on to the point of the conversation. The difference between Katy and this man in the hallway is that Katy does care, though it's still easier to gloss over my true state of being and move on to things that are more on the surface. It's safe, but right now, it's a lie. I'm not good, unless you define "good" as confused, sad, tired, frustrated, and sometimes in denial. I don't feel the need to ellaborate, and you should know that, all things considered, I am doing okay. I'm surviving, taking one step at a time.

My dad has had a rough couple of days. This fluid is his abdomen is causing him to be in pain. Doc is looking at a procedure that will redirect the fluid back into his system to keep it from building up. In the meantime, it's not so fun. Not to mention that the nutrients they are giving him are messing with his head a little causing some confusion and loopiness. As we found out on Saturday, the cancer isn't the issue right now...it's this stupid fluid, and we don'teven know why it's happening.

The stories I've heard from people are never good where this fluid is involved. Speaking of, if you have a positive story, I'd love to hear it. It would be encouraging to hear about someone that came out on the other side of this junk and recovered.

I love your comments. It makes me smile to know people are reading and care enough to check up on me. I might not be good, but I don't feel alone and that is what keeps me going. Thanks for your prayers. I need 'em.


Katy said...

You're right ;-) I do care! All of us do! Though, I agree, the guy in the hall, probably not....Feel free to call me and tell me exactly how you feel, anytime. Day or night! We love you and we're praying for all of you!

Emily said...

Just so you know...I've been checking the blog daily to see how you're doing. We're praying for you! Even though I haven't been able to see you, it is nice to know you're in the same state.