Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Another Day in the Right Direction

I know it's been a few days, and for that, I apologize. I just didn't know what to say. There's progress, in the right direction, but we're still sitting at the crossroads...and quite frankly it's up to Dad at this point. He's eating, but not enough. He's moving, but still too weak to do much. He's speaking, but not coherently. But the point is that there is progress. Honestly, I wish he could come out of this confusion, emerge from the fog in his mind. I feel like then he'd know what was going on. I feel like most of his day is comprised of him trying to put the pieces together as to why he is in here and what is happening to him.

Yesterday he was convinced that he had been in a car accident, the doctors tricked him into being here, and that they had removed his bladder. I'm guessing that in this state, his mind simply can't grasp a hold of reality. He takes pieces of conversations he hears and words he reads around the room, and makes them into his reality. There is the dry erase board on the wall in front of his bed where they put the nurses names and other pertinent information. Ever since we got here, that board has been a source of angst. Dad just stares at it, then tells us that Maureen (one of his nurses) told him that Foley (the guy that invented the catheter) was trying to kill him. Speaking of catheters, that must be a very difficult thing for any man, emasculating at best. I think he's more bothered by that then the surgery.

So how am I doing? I miss my husband and my kids. Granted I see Owen and Blake twice a day for about an hour or two, but remember that I am used to having them all day long, every day. I never thought I would miss that as much as I do.

I miss camp. There is so much going on right now with promotion and preparation. It's difficult for me to not be there. But I can rest assured that it's in good hands right now with Michelle. She is amazing!

I miss my friends, who have been entirely faithful to me. Katy and Clare have been taking meals to Neil, which is such a blessing. It takes a weight off my shoulders to not have to worry about him. I should probably find a housekeeper to come clean the house before I get home. That would take some of the stress off me.

At this point, I think I'm staying until next weekend. My cousin is getting married in Warner Robins, and I'd really like to be there. Plus, I'd get to see my mom and my grandparents. Neil says he's coming down this Sunday for a couple days. I can't wait. I'm holding off telling the boys until I know for sure...that would be all Owen would talk about for the next week.

That's it for now. I'm thinking I might have something more profound later when my dad is sleeping, and not constantly asking me about his catheter. Until then...


Katy said...

Well...if Neil hadn't locked the door....I was going to at least try to run the vaccum for you... ;-) If you would like, Ash and I can come hang out for a day when you get back and help you clean. I'm sure Resse and her hair have left quite a covering on the floor. I'm glad there seems to be progress. Sorry that you're going through all of this. Let me know if there's anything else we can do. I mean it! Love you!

Caroline said...

Hillary, I am sitting here thinking of what to say to you. I know I can't make it better, but I have to say that I admire your courage, your faith, and that I KNOW that you are absolutely doing the right thing staying with your Dad. You are his strength and your family will look back at this time and will be stronger for this experience. I will come and help clean your house with Katy, just let me know when! Love Jan