Deal of the Day: Free Pics

Snapfish has a fantabulous deal for new users (just use a different email address).  They'll give you 50 free prints, plus use code FREELABOR (by the way, labor is never free, but whatever) for FREE SHIPPING.

I think I'm finally going to get around to updating the picture frames in my house with pics of the third (and second) child.  Yep, I'm really far behind.

Voice Defying Weekend

So yeah, I've spent the better part of yesterday and today completely voiceless.  Notice how I didn't say speechless.  Laryngitis has not kept me from talking.  It's just kept me from being heard, and made me smell & taste weird things.

Let's see if I can recap a most fantabulous weekend.  I already told you about Friday night, which only made me regret not attending the DC Tea Party on Saturday (which I heard from untold #'s of people that it was eye opening and certainly an experience people will tell their kids about for years to come).

Saturday night was the Aaron Shust/Chris Sligh concert at First Baptist Church in Laurel, MD (our old stomping grounds).  Joyce and I bought VIP tickets which promised a CD, t-shirt, and a private concert before the concert with Aaron & Chris.  YAY!  Only thing was that no on told us what time to be there.  We showed up a little before 6 since that's when the doors opened.  I'm guessing that we should have actually been there much sooner considering the private concert was almost over.  Oh well, we still got to hear a few songs.  As we walked in, Aaron made eye contact with me, and to my surprise recognized me immediately.

Now let me just interject here.  Yes, I worked with Aaron for 3 years at Perimeter and while there, I would have said we were working buddies, but it's been 6 years.  I wasn't sure at all if he'd even remember me, especially without being prompted.  But he did! Yay!

After their set, he pulled Joyce and I aside and we caught up for a bit (literally a bit) before he ran off to grab a bite to eat before he was up. At this point, I have to say I was quite jealous.  Normally we eat around 6ish, so by this time, I was pretty stinking hungry.  Oh well, there's always later, right?

Katy, Wes & Neil met up with us at 7 for the concert.  Okay, Neil was a little late because he went to the church's old building which was not where we were.  He was also supposed to bring Owen with him, but O decided he'd rather play with Ashleigh & Carly, the babysitter.  He'll regret that decision one day.

First up was a new guy, Andrew Witt, great sound, highly recommend.  I fully plan on owning his CD.  Honestly should have bought the 4-pack of CD's featuring all the artists like JOyce and Katy did.  Kicking myself now.

Next up was another new voice, Lanae Hale, the only girl on the tour.  Boy, does she have her work cut out for her.  She was just down right cute, from her hair to her shoes.  Her southern twang brought me right back to the South.  Dang it, really should have bought the 4-pack of CD's.  It was only $30! Kicking myself again!

Although I have to say that I've never been to a concert where people mostly sat unless they were told to stand.  I always thought it was the other way around.  Then again, I haven't been to concert in years, since I left Georgia, I think. Well, at least Joyce, Katy and I broke the barrier.  Then again, we were also tweeting through out the event, and mostly with Aaron & Chris...and each other.  I did find out from Aaron that Brian Duffy was on tour with him.  Duffy used to make coffee for me every morning back at Camp All-American.  Oh, those were the good old days, fresh Starbucks and the world's best jump roper pouring it for me.  Now I have to pay $10 to see him play in his big old band.  Oh how the tides have turned (insert over exaggerated rolling eyes)

Chris Sligh popped up next, though it begged the question, if it's his tour, then why isn't he headlining.  Now, I didn't know much about Chris Sligh.  Since I don't watch American Idol, I honestly didn't know who he was until I saw his name next to Aaron's.  But this guy is impressive.  His heart is so transparent for the Lord.  I admire his choice to give up the lime light for a tour cross country in stinky vans.  Plus I hear he has a gorgeous wife.  Not sure why that's important, but that's what I was told.  Do with it as you please.  Quote of the night, "The 20th century had the zipper, the 21st has twitter." Come on, now that's funny stuff!

Last up, headlining, was Aaron Shust.  It was really cool to hear him sing in this capacity.  It's been 6 years since I've sat in a church and listened to him lead worship.  This is a man I respect, for his music, his heart for God, and commitment to his family.  He certainly hasn't let the celebrity go to his head.

Seeing as I've gone on and on, I think I'll stop here for now.  I'll tell you about the Arts & Craft festival and my decision on political blogging in my next post (which may be in 15 min or 6 hours, depends on naptime).  Pics are coming from the concert.  I'm waiting on Joyce to send them to me.  Joyce, if you're reading, hint, hint!

Free Tonight?

I probably should have posted this earlier.  I'm still getting used to this.  There's a concert tonight at 7:00 pm at First Baptist Church in Laurel, MD.  It's Aaron Shust & Chris Sligh (from American Idol), Back to School Stimulus Package Tour.  I don't know much about Chris Sligh, but Aaron is an amazing singer (and person).  He led worship at Perimeter Church when I worked there seveal years ago.  I guess we'll see tonight how well he remembers me.  Anyways, if you're not busy, it's only $10 and you can buy tickets at the door.  We're taking Owen and leaving the other two at home with Carly. 

On the Brink of What?

Last night I attended the Patapsco Valley Republican Club's Patriot Day Reception with my wonderful, supportive husband and about 140 other concerned citizens of Baltimore County.  Now I realize that not everyone who reads my blog is a conservative, or even gives a hoot about politics in general, but right now I happen to be pretty fired up.  I'm debating whether or not to start a new blog that deals strictly with my political musings.  Can I really keep up 3 blogs?  Who knows?  I do have a lot of extra free time now, and I've enjoyed getting back to roots of why I started the Hills of Chaos, a place for me to process all the muck inside my heart and mind.

Let's just say I took the plunge and created this new blog, what would I write about?  Honestly, I think I'd stick to local candidates and issues that impact my family directly.  Believe it or not, President Obama has very little effect over my everyday life, though as he expands government in general, he certainly is more threatening than any other president in my lifetime.  Councilman Moxley and State Delegate Malone's decisions impact my kid's schools, our property taxes, whether or not Edmonson Road ever gets sidewalks, the recycling program, and more.  And I'd personally rather see people in those positions who are more fiscally and socially conservative, who are more in touch with the vibe of the people.  Last night, Steve Whisler announced his candidacy for County Councilman of District 1 in Baltimore County, replacing Sam Moxley.  My first reaction?  "Steve, anything you need, you just let me know."  In fact, I think my first blog entry will be on Steve himself.  Hhmm, guess I'm going to do this blog now, huh?  Now I just need a name.

I'd love to see more young families get involved in the local scene. We get so tied up in our everyday lives that sometimes we forget that we actually have a say in how our tax dollars are spent, or even how our communities are shaped. We forget that our government works for us. I think it's time for some evaluation, accountability, and maybe even a little overhaul. 

Funny story:  I have many Facebook friends from the PVRC that I've never actually met before.  Allison Baird is one of them, but as soon as she walked in with her husband, Shawn, last night, I recognized her from Facebook, so I introduced myself.  She knew who I was as well, and even asked about More than Moms.  We'd been talking for about 20 or so minutes when Neil walked in.  As he's being introduced he has a funny look on his face.  "Um, I don't know why, but you look strangely familiar."  "Yeah, you look familiar to me too."  Okay, not exactly something you're expecting to hear.  How in the world does my husband know this woman?  A few minutes went by as we're all racking our brains of where they may have met. Then Neil says, "Chick-Fil-A?"  Immediately we all erupt into laughter.  Of course, we see each other at Chick-Fil-A every Tuesday night. We connected when I was still pregnant over the fact that our daughters have the same name.  Sadly, in 30 minutes of conversation, we never made the connection...and they live within walking distance.  I smell a new friendship! Yay!

The Rainy Day Blues

What a busy weekend ahead; tonight the Patapsco Valley Republican Club's Patriot Day Reception; tomorrow the Aaron Shust concert...both events sans children.  Yet here I am, curled up on the couch with a glass of tea and my computer dragging through the day.  It all started yesterday.  I felt tired, like pregnant tired, and then I got that coated feeling in the back of my throught, the kind where you know it's going to hurt.  By the end of Bible study, I officially felt horrible.  At first I thought it to be allergies since I was sneezing constantly, so I went searching the house for benadryl.  Now you know you're desperate for relief when you're willing to down two Children's Benadryl Perfect Measures.  Those things are nasty.  I don't understand why my kids love them.  Anyways, no relief at all.  I found my self drifting off to sleep just as my nose would start to drip.  Thus began a seemingly endless cycle of up, blow, wipe, drift, drip.  Finally I was able to prop myself into a position where my nose stopped drifting and I was able to get to sleep.

In a perfect world Moms would be awarded full night's sleep when sick, but we live in a fallen world, right?  Around 2:45 this morning, Owen crawls into bed with us.  At first I was willing to just ignore the fact that there was a child in our bed, but his tossing and turning and moaning and groaning sent me over the edge.  I sat up in bed, and was about to drag him back down to his bed, when I felt overcome with dizziness, so I did what any good mom would do...woke up his dad.  Not even 20 minutes later, Blake was whining up the stairs, literally.  I actually coaxed him to the top of the stairs and then made the same mistake twice.  Maybe he'll just lay down and go to sleep, then I'll take him back to his bed and skip the whole crying fit at 3:15 in the morning.  Nope, this child got into our bed and started on the same path his brother had just taken, toss, turn, moan, groan.  This time I didn't want to wake Neil, so I carried the ornary 2 year old back to his bed, changed his diaper, got him a drink of water, and laid down beside him.  In about 5 minutes, the boy was out like a light.  At 3:45 AM, I plopped my achy body back into bed and drifted off into oblivion.

I pulled myself out of that same bed limb by limb at 7:00 am this morning.  My head floating, my muscles aching, my scalp tingling, my throat hurting, and I've been dragging ever since.  I'm hoping a late afternoon shower will wash away some of the yukiness, and slipping into my pretty black dress for tonight's reception will once again make me feel like a woman (and not an infestation of snot).

Where does Possibility End?

I spend so much time wrapped up in a to-do list that isn't so much an actual list as it is a conjumbled mess in my head. Sorry, I'm just not that organized, not that I don't try to be. I can't tell you how many calendars I have that started out filled to the brim and fizzled out over the next couple weeks. I'm one of those people that would do awesome with a personal assistant, but since that is in no way reality, I just have to deal.

Anyways, not my point. I spend all this time thinking about the mundane tasks of life that I forget to dream. Bring part of the new church plant, I've done nothing but. It's been amazing to sit around and brainstorm to no end. There is no box, no definitions, no constraints (at least not yet). We're just dreaming, and I hope we never stop. I hope the walls don't close in confining us to certain molds. There really should be no end to possibility.

Brainstorming with TJ about what the church building should look like, or function as, got be thinking about this whole playgroup idea is different light. In a way, I feel free to pursue. What? I don't know, but I'm excited to find out. I'm normally the down to earth type of gal. My BFF, Jo, would say that she spends most of her time in the clouds and I'm holding on to her foot attempting to pull her back to reality. She's the dreamer, and I'm the realist. But recently, in the fog that is my life right now, I get to dream. I get to say "why not?" I get to ask questions without fear of rejection. I get to explore the very talents and gifts that God has given me. And had Grace decided a different way, had I been able to stay with camp and go with new church, I may not have been able to experience this freedom. I may not have been able to commit as much of myself to the movement that is Fusion.

That being said, I'm praying today for a building, and not so much a church building. My friend Aaron was talking about the possibility of turning the old music store in downtown Catonsville into a place where the community comes to together (and we happen to use once a week to worship). I know that the elder team has been looking at office space in Elkridge, but why not in the middle of a city center? There certainly is a bunch of space in downtown Catonsville. What about a coffee shop/play area? Do you know how crazy busy that place would be on any given day? I don't know, maybe I'm the only mom who would love to have a place to hang out with my friends and watch my kids play safely. That would be awesome. And what if this same place, had a multi purpose room that the community could use...a mom's day out, an after school program, a place for groups to meet on the cheap, a swap n play (to be explained later). The sky isn't even the limit, because there is no limit to possibility. Yea, I'm praying for a place that people don't even know is a church, except by the people they meet there. That is the community I dream of, the family I want to be a part of, the Jesus I want my kids to know, the legacy I choose to leave.

Even if you're not part of the church plant, I dare you to dream with me. What would you do if you could design a "church" building? What would you use it for? What would it look like? Where would it be? I double dog dare you.

What Now?

If only one could see all that is flying around in this small little head of mine. Seriously in the past week, I've been sad, confused, excited, sad again, lost, found, stressed, sad again, relaxed (not too much of that), and on fire. I've literally run the gamut of emotions. Who would have thought? But mostly, I've been praying for vision. I feel lost without one. I'm still not sure what role I'll play in new church, at least not in the long run, but I'm excited to do whatever I can to help. In the meantime, I feel like I need something to pour myself into. But what?

My first thought was my family. I know, it seems like a given right? And it should be, but pouring myself into my family would isolate me from the rest of the world. I'm not much of a loner. Okay, I really don't do good at all when I'm away from "adult" human contact. Yes, I am that strong of an extrovert. So i started thinking of ways that I could invest in my family and still have strong, interpersonal relationships with other moms, women, human beings.

Then I get an email from evite. It's the RSVP summary for playgroup. Playgroup, huh? And I started thinking? What if playgroup wasn't just a playgroup? What if it was more purposeful, more defined, more about supporting each other than just playing? Hhhmmm, this certainly gave me something to think about. But what would it look like?

So I started praying, and brainstorming, and chatting with others, and more praying and came up with More than Moms. Define it how you will, whether it opens us up to dads and nannies or implies that we're not just moms, but strong, intelligent women created by God to love Him and love others. Aside from continuing to host playgroup and creating a Facebook page for the group, I'm still in the brainstorming phase. If you have any ideas, please let me know. I see so many possibilities, such potential.

Please continue to pray for this new venture, and where ever God would have me long term. Also, pray for Camp as it evolves without me. Not that it's going to suffer, but there will be some changes and I pray that the Vision Team and leadership will have the wisdom to know how to move forward.

I also covet prayer for the new Fusion Church. This Sunday we're back at Grace. Pray for those still undecided as to where their community lies, where they want to invest. Pray for the interim elder team who are discussing things like name, location, doctrine, etc...! Wow, there is so much to pray for, I could go on and on for days. Let's just say...PRAY!

Gathered for a Movement

Fifty or so people gathered on a hill tonight, ready for whatever God had in store. You know what I think? This community, where I am considered elderly at 31, is destined to impact the Kingdom in mighty ways. How? I have no freaking idea, and that there is the beauty of it all. It's frightening and exciting all at the same time. Heck, we don't even have a name yet. Maybe we'll just use a symbol or simply call ourselves "new church." We have no real place to meet, and to be honest no concept of what that place is supposed to look like. So here we are, a gathering of people with no real definition other than the fact that we possess hearts for God and love for the communities surrounding us. All we know is that this is where we are called to be; many of us required to make sacrifices to get here, to leap over hurdles, to leave things behind, to take up our cross and follow Him.

After tonight I know that it's worth it. Being at camp, a part of camp, I knew I was part of something so much bigger than me. But tonight I had the distinct sense that I was part of a movement, and one that I get to embark on with my entire family and not just myself. Admittedly I shed quite a few tears tonight because the sacrifice was evident to me. I gave up a whole heck of a lot to be there, and the reality of that came crashing down on me several times through out the evening. To some people, church is where you go on Sunday mornings, a place you belong to like the YMCA. Through this whole ordeal, I've come to learn that the Church is the body of Christ plain and simple. It's purpose? To build up believers so that they can be light in the world. For us, church is our community, our family, so much more than where we go on Sunday mornings (or in our case evenings).

If it were just about attendance, I probably would have made a different decision and gone to Grace mornings. At least that way I could have stayed with camp. Sure, if I viewed church as simply a place to worship, I could have kept pursuing my passion, but it's not that simple. I'm honestly not sure what would have been harder, to leave camp or to leave our community at Fusion. Seriously.

Tonight was our first official meeting as a church plant. We met up around 3ish at a park in Ellicott City, then divided out and stormed the communities of Catonsville & Elkridge with prayer warriors, walking the very streets we hope to see God work in and through. Neil and I had the opportunity to walk with Tanya around our very neighborhood. How convicting that we've lived here over a year and this was the first time we'd prayed for our neighbors. Yikes. We even managed to pray all the way to Opies, a popular neighborhood ice cream & sno-ball joint.

After the prayer walk, we met back up at the Pavilion was a bit of worship, sharing experiences and stories with one another. What are we excited about? What struck us on our prayer walks? What are we looking for God to do? And then we worshipped, and boy did we worship. Sitting up on this hill that overlooked the very areas we hope to reach, storm clouds rolling in, we knew God was there.

The future is foggy to me, not sure what it holds. Where can I serve? Where will God use me? I have no freaking idea, but I know that He will, and I'm excited (and terrified) to find out. And I'll let you know when I do.

A Break in the Silence

I know I've been quiet lately, not in person so much as in my blog. There's been so much going on in my life, very little of which I could even discuss, much less blog about. Today I received some closure to the largest issue and not am able to open up a bit. Writing is like therapy for me. It allows me to drain the chaos swirling around in my brain, and ironically provides an opportunity to process what's there. I warn you though, I'm not sure how or what may come out, so be on the look out for road blocks, sharp curves, and abrupt stops.

A huge chapter of my life came to a close today, and it happened to be the chapter that spoke to my passion & ministry in life...Grace Adventures Day Camp. Shocked? I was too. Well, maybe not as shocked. It's not like I didn't see it coming, but sometimes no matter how much we prepare for a particular situation, we can never project exactly how we're going to feel when it happens. I knew my dad was dying, but when it actually occurred, when my heart and my mind met, it was devastating to say the least. Today I am heart broken, literally. Camp was a precious gift wrapped up in a glorious vision, given to me many years ago. I had the amazing opportunity to watch it come to fruition, to be part of something so big, it was doomed to fail lest God be in it, a small glimpse of heaven on earth. Please don't get me wrong. It is not camp that is coming to an end, just my role in it.

You might ask why? Why, Hillary, are you leaving something so precious to your heart? I've told you about the new church we're planting in our community, a branch off of Grace Community Church. Honestly, there was no question in our minds if we'd go, a no-brainer I'd say. We would probably have never left GCC on our own, never even crossed our minds. Sure, it's a trek down to Fulton, but that's where our community is, that's where we call home, our family away from our family. However, God decided to move our "community" to our actual community...like I said, no brainer.

It then came up that it might not be okay for me to remain in leadership over Camp and go with the new Fusion. I've known this question was out there for about 5 weeks now, and I'm happy to say that it's drawn me to the Cross, allowed me to lay down my fears, anxieties, and insecurities at His feet, but grappling with the choice of passion vs. community? I mean, how do you chose between two callings? Ultimately though, there is no real choice. I can't ask my family to uproot itself from their community in order to follow my passion. So when the choice was put before me today, I could, with confidence, chose my family, my church, my community.

Of course just because it was my choice does not in any way mean that I'm not completely devastated. Camp was my baby, my vision, my ministry. Leaving it will be one of the most difficult things I've ever had to do, right up there with moving to MD and watching my Dad slip away. But God is still God, sovereign, faithful, just. And it's clear to me and even to those around me that He is doing something big in my life. I have no idea what it could be, but in the midst of my sorrow, I'm excited to see what He has in store.

Throughout my life there have been many monuments, even before I was a believer, that I can look back on and see God's hand. It's in this time that I will choose to look back and see what He's done, to know that He's faithful, and that He is good. This summer I was given a verse, just days after these issues arose, a verse I cling to still today. "I am CONFIDENT that I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Be strong; Take heart. Wait on the Lord."

I feel like the theme of my Summer was confidence. All my life, I've struggled with that very word. What is confidence? What does it look like? How can I be confident without being arrogant or self-righteous. I've realized that I'm not to be confident in myself, but in the Lord and who He has made me to be. "Being confident of this that He who began a good work in you WILL carry it on unto completion until the day of Christ Jesus. (Phil 1:6)" At first I thought that I was to be confident in my position at camp. After all, I'm 100% sure God called me there. And He did, but now it's time to move on. Does that change my confidence? It shouldn't. I'm to be confident, not in my circumstances, but in my God. Whatever road lies before me, whether I'm to focus solely on being a mom, or to dabble to bit in other interests such as writing or politics, or take on a huge role in this new community...I have no idea, but I'm confident it's going to be a bumpy and joyous ride.

For now, I'm going to focus on the positives, and doing what ever I can to close up shop in such a way that ensures success to my successors. I covet your prayers in the days to come. As I mourn, I ask that you lift me up, especially when the enemy comes and attacks my securities, and lies to me about the circumstances. It's so easy for me to buy into the pity parties. Please pray that I remain confident in Him who is good. And while your at it, lift up Camp. Pray that it too continues to be a glimpse of heaven on earth, that the vision will live on.

Nope, Not Dead Yet

Of course I had to take a hiatus from blogging right after a somewhat depressing entry...sounds like me, doesn't it? Honestly, life took over and there just hasn't been much time to breathe in the last few weeks much less write. There has been some stuff going on that I'm still not at liberty to write about, none of which is life threatening or catastrophic, just a valley I have to walk through. When all is said and done, I hope to be able to talk about what I learned through it all (which was tremendous).

For the past week and a half, we've spread our wings and flown south, a two week whirl wind tour visiting family and now friends (who are more like family). First we hit Panama City Beach where we soaked up the rays (while covered by SPF 30 or higher of course) at my mom's house. Then it was off to Warner Robins to see my grandparents for a few hours, and on to Augusta to visit with Neil's parents. Guess what happened next? Neil and I left the boys with Nana and Papa and spent two wonderful days in Charleston almost alone. We still had Madison, but she's such a good baby, you barely notice she's there. Now we're in Chapel Hill visiting Jo, Jamie, Angela & Rodg. We rarely get to see them except for the occasional stop over on our way to Georgia. So it's nice to be able to spend a few days (sans the boys) and really hang out.

So that's the brief update, just to let you know that we're still alive and kicking. We arrive back home at the Pennington Estate (ha ha ha) this Saturday and life will pick up right where we left it. Clare's wedding shower is Sunday morning and then Neil leaves Sunday evening for a week of training in Boston. If you think about it, pray for us. I'm not too keen on being a single mom for an entire week. Can you say babysitters? Come on, a girl needs her sanity more than her money.