Yes, I know that it's backwards, but there is a reason, though it may be just a little far fetched. The last month or so has been treacherous on my spirit. Actually, even before I went to Georgia, things had been confusing at best. Should we sell out house and buy another one here? Should Neil pump up his efforts to find a job down south? Should we have another kid or be happy with the two we have? I feel like our lives have been caught in a state of limbo with no solid direction. And then I was gone for a month, doing what I knew I was supposed to be doing, but it certainly didn't help much with the confusion and chaos I call my life's situation. Coming home not only brought an opportunity for a fresh start, it also brought me a transcendent peace. See, if I learned anything from my dad, it was that life is worth living, as short or as long as it may be.
Why does everything have to be decided today? God has a plan for my life, a good and wonderful plan, and I think it's about time I start trusting Him with that plan. Neil has a great job and there's no real urgency to move (here or there). Sure, I want to be closer to family, but like I've said hundreds of times before, I can't provide a job for Neil. Though the idea of me showing up at some company begging the CEO to consider my husband for a job does sound exhilarating, it may be just on the other side of sanity. All that said, I'm still not to the sheep yet.
Yesterday my friend, Katy, called to tell me that she's pregnant. Of course I'm happy for her, as they were trying to conceive their second child. Last night, she and her husband came over for a game night (which consisted of the guys shooting darts and Katy and I walking the kids around the neighborhood, but that's besides the point). Anyways, Katy gave me an extra test she obviously didn't need anymore. Jokingly I peed on the stick, and sat there in utter shock as the plus sign appeared on the results window. For those of you who don't know what a plus sign means on a pregnancy test...it means I'm pregnant. A few seconds later, I just started laughing. What else was there to do? I didn't stop for 20 or 30 minutes. I staggered up the stairs and just handed the test to Katy, whose jaw hit the floor (though I could tell she was ecstatic to have someone to be pregnant with). I then proceeded to hand the test to Neil along with "I was just joking around and..." He looked at the test, shrugged, and returned to his darts game. Later, i found out that he's okay with the whole situation. Personally, I think he would have been happy if I'd gotten pregnant a few days after leaving the hospital with Blake. Neither of us are fans of the infant stage, and want the kids to be close together so we can just get through it already.
My reaction? Still in shock. To think a few weeks ago I was debating even having another child. If it weren't for the fact that I wanted a girl, I probably wouldn't have considered it. Of course Neil did tell me when we got married that he doesn't produce female. So I can only hope, and this is my last chance. After this, Neil is getting himself fixed...with my blessing of course.
You'd think that this news would kick up the dust of uncertainty in my life, but oddly, I feel at peace. It's all going to be okay, crazy, but okay.
I'm Not A Stalker, Just A Fan
1 year ago