You know when you get on a roller coaster for the first time. Man I remember it like it was yesterday. I was in middle school and my friend Stephanie and I were chilling out at Six Flag over Georgia doing what we do best...scoping for boys. Shut up, you all did it! Stephanie loved the rides, all of them, even the Looping Starship. Now I was okay with most of them, even some that went upside down, but the Looping Starship? Well that was a whole other ball of wax. It's the kind of ride that rocks back and forth, and back and forth. Then it starts to slowly makes it's way upside down until finally you swing up and there you are hanging for like 2 seconds completely upside down. But it still doesn't go all the way over. To the other side you go, again hanging. This time it's 2-3 seconds and a little farther towards the other side. Watching from the ground, you wonder how those tiny little bars manage to keep people inside. And if they do fall out, I'm pretty sure the metal cage over head wouldn't do too much to keep them safe. Either way it was not a ride I was interested in, until we bet these boys. Don't ask me what their names were. Really does it matter? The point is that we had already invested a good 2 hours into these relationships. We couldn't let something like a little fear come in between us now. At least this was Stephanie's argument. So I went along. We stood in line for a good 30 minutes, which is pretty much pure torture if you're staring at this monstrosity in front of you thinking this might be the end. Come on, I was 12. We get on the ride of which I insist of sitting in the middle. Not sure why that seemed safer, but it made me feel more secure. There's the loud noise and then the safety bars come down and press down on your chest. It's okay though, I'm pretty sure I wasn't breathing anyways. Honestly, I think the guys running the ride knew it was my first time, because I'm pretty sure they put the thing on slow motion. What was supposed to be a 4 minute ride, lasted for 1 year, 124 days, 3 hours and 26 seconds (or so it seemed). And when it was over, my voice was hoarse, my hair was ruffled, and I was alive. I wasn't really sure if it were fun or not, because I had spent so much time caught up in the fear, but I was sure glad it was over. Yet at the same time, I was the first one back in line for a second go round.
Today was one of those days, a day that just started off on the wrong track. Emotionally, spiritually, and relationally I was drained. I'd go into all the details, but quite frankly, they'd just get me all worked up again and bore you to death. Point is, my heart was heavy and my mind racing. All day I felt like I was standing in that line all over again. Only this time, I'm still not sure what ride it was, just that the closer I got to the front of the line, the heavier my heart felt. The ride required me to have some hard conversations, definitely a little risky. But I believe that conflict can lead to really great things if dealt with in the right way, and unfortunately (for my pride) that requires communication, humility, and sometimes a little nautiousness to send me over the edge.
So needless to say, it's been a rough day, and I'm glad it's over. But I wouldn't give up the process for anything. The process is what makes us who we are, carving our character out of a rough exterior, allowing God to be Potter crafting His masterpiece.
(PS, this was actually written yesterday).
I'm Not A Stalker, Just A Fan
2 years ago