I Don't Want to Talk About It...But I Will

You know the saying, "Don't count your chickens before they hatch?" I suppose it applies here too. What we thought was a done deal, might not be. It turns out that before signing the contract on the new house, the owner got another offer, similar to ours but with no contingency to sell. Fourteen and a half hours ago, I was flying high, and now I'm lost in a fog. He was supposed to get back with Stephanie by 5:00 pm yesterday, but didn't, and Steph can't seem to get a hold of him. So here I am back in the unknown, only this time, I've already mentally moved into this house and I'm absolutely in love with it. My heart is saddened and confused, but it's not all a complete loss.

You won't hear full out ranting from me, though if the deal goes sour, I will let you know the name of the contracting group that owns the house...as a fair warning. But for now, let's focus on the good.

Before Neil and I got married, we dated, and while we were dating, we broke up for a few months. It was during that break up, one night in December, that God convicted my heart. I had never asked God if I could have Neil, so I did, and thankfully, He said "Yes." There is much more to that story, but I think the moral of it is that I tend to leap through doors without first checking to see if there open. On one of Owen's shows, "The Upside Down Show," they go through a bunch of doors and some voice from nowhere will always remind them to knock first. My tendency is to storm through the door without knocking, without asking for permission. So it's not about God opening and closing doors and windows, I think it's more about how we walk through them, whether or not we acknowledge His authority in the situation. I'm not saying that we're being punished, or even that God is slamming this door in our faces because we didn't knock. If that were true, then God wouldn't be a God of grace. As well, I'm not saying that because we've realized our lack of dependence on Him that we're going to get the house, despite this other offer. What I am saying is that regardless of what happens, Neil and I have entered into a place we've never been before in our marriage, a place where we place our dependence on God together. I've been praying for this for 7 years, and if I have to lose my dream house to get it, then so be it. Granted, I'll be extremely sad if that phone rings and Steph tells us we lost the house, but the spiritual relationship with my husband is way more important. Last night, for the second time in two weeks, we prayed together, and for the first time, I saw Neil as the "spiritual" leader in our family. He's always been a strong leader, but struggled with revealing his very personal and intimate relationship with God to me. But last night he encouraged me and lifted me up. He didn't run from my strong personality and stubborn disposition. He embraced me, pursued me, and loved me. Together we asked God if we could have this house, much like the night I asked Him if I could have Neil. I just hope the answer is the same.

Now what this seller, who's selling buy owner, did was dishonest and cheap, but I'm choosing to believe that it was unintentional and not malicious. I'm choosing to believe that he simply didn't know the rules of the game, and we're praying that he'll do the right thing. He verbally agreed to our contract and should have sent the contracts right over, taken the house of MLS, and been done with it. But instead he sent the contracts over to Mister Lister to look them over, kept the house on MLS, showed the house, and allowed another couple to make an offer.

I ask that each and every one of you join us in prayer, for the seller to realize what the right thing to do is and do it, for God to continue to work in our marriage finding dependence in Him, and for God's will to be done in this situation. Also pray for peace in our hearts that whatever happens, God will take care of us. If we lose the house, pray that God will lead us to another one, maybe even a better one, and that we wouldn't have to move our family into temporary housing.

With a sad but almost peaceful heart (I'm getting there)...

And to my friends out there who are wondering why I haven't called you...I just wasn't ready to talk to anyone last night, and you're all asleep right now.